17 October 2014

Where the Devil Hides (2014) - ENG

Where the Devil Hides, ladies and gentlemen.

Rate: Satan-Comedy

While the 5th season of The Walking Dead has just started, and we expect as always not to disappoint us, we continue our reviews with a movie which belongs to my favorite kind: The Apocalyptic-Satan-Comedy, since you have to consider these movies only as comedies in order to get the full pleasure of them. In any other case, I ‘m sorry to inform you but you will lose your precious time…

In a few lines, the junkie writer ‘invented’ a script for a movie which goes like this: The end of the world will come when a prophecy will be fulfilled. Which prophecy? The world is doomed when the Drommelkind (that is sth shitty…) which is the devil himself but in a human form (hm…it reminds me a story about a God and a Jesus-guy, but I think it’s just a coincidence…) will be born. Question: When exactly this is going to happen? Simple answer: When 6 girls will be born at the 6th day of the 6th month. Wow…that’s precision dude!!! Of course, I ‘ve always thought that satan will be a guy (I know I am a racist…) and not some whining virgin running around here and there but once again I was wrong. I was so so wrong…Tragically and satanically wrong.

The prophecy, is not a general prophecy but it also reveals the place where all the above shit will happen. At a shitty Amish village in the middle of nowhere and which is called - what a surprise - New Bethlehem, since Bethlehem was already taken and reserved for copyrights from some wise people somewhere in Israel…

So, during the movie we are witnesses of a whole village full of retarded people going nuts and waiting for the big moment to come, that is the girls to become 18, and by a ‘diabolic’ coincidence we see 1 after the other to be killed by a mini sickle/skythe which even Bob the Builder would love to have it added at his glorious collection. 

Naturally, at the end - as the undead Highlander would say, ‘There can be only one…’ - only one sucker-hero lives to have the guts and the tough role to be a proper Drommelkind. Another coincidence is that the winner (loser…) of the satan-bride-queen of darkness to be contest is the one who fucked the garage boy first while the other virgins-contestants were busy sleeping-studying-dying. As usual and naturally satan and virgin issues are not a good match. +1 star for this non-disappointment event.

The movie in general is a tragedy, nevertheless we liked it since it targets to specific audience: The parents in law of the director and no one else. After that…chaos. 

You should enjoy your viewing with little red wine but have also a snack since we need your full attention, 100% soberness while the story goes on…3-4 bottles should do the job.

1 hour and 20 minutes of 100% pure entertainment until we are witnesses of the result which we were expecting from the 1st second of this parody-movie flunk. Yes yes, at 00:00 o’ clock sharp miss non-virgin Mary Brown becomes 18 and let’s get this party straight to hell. God bless us all…

Bonus: No Bonus. Although we liked a little bit the way the molester Chief-Priest of the village examines the virgins - Drommelkind contestants. Little crafty the old-guy but we give him a star for his attempt(s). In any case he found a way to entertain himself (in the name of God of course…) during these desperate times.
Moral Lesson / Precept: 6 get invited to the party, 1 gets fucked or to be fucked. Drommelkind rules!!!

We liked: Hm...difficult to write sth here.

Should I watch it ? Better not. Killing brain cells is not a sport… a good and solid excuse to avoid this kind of movies is that I had Sunday school and did not have the time yet but I will at some point (that means never…).

1 comment:

  1. I would like to read your review about the blond girl getting some extra IQ points... of course, little bit sarcastic and ...
    keep on nice work. D